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Beer Jokes - 99 Reasons Why
Beer's Better than Women
1. You can enjoy a
beer all month.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine
a beer.
4. Your beer will always wait
patiently for you in the car.
5. When beer goes flat you toss it
out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. hangovers eventually go away.
8. A beer doesn't get jealous when
you grab another beer.
9. Beer labels come off without a
fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know
you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you have a beer, the
bottle is still worth a dime.
13. A beer won't get upset if you
come home with beer on your breath.
14. If you pour a beer right, you
will always get good head.
15. You can have more than one beer
a night and not feel guilty.
16. A beer always goes down gently.
17. You can share a beer with your
friends and enemies.
18. You always know that you are
the first one to pop a beer.
19. A beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. A beer doesn't care when you
come.
22. You can have a beer in public.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. You don't have to wash a beer
before it tastes good.
25. Beer always comes in multiples
of six.
26. Beer doesn't mind being in the
"wet spot" that IT left.
27. You can't catch anything but a
"buzz" from a beer.
28. After you have a beer, you're
committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle.
29. A beer never costs you more
than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty.
30. When your beer is gone, you
just pop another.
31. You rarely (if ever) find beer
labels on the shower curtain rod.
32. Beer looks the same in the
morning.
33. Beer doesn't look you up in a
month.
34. Beer doesn't worry about
someone walking in.
35. Beer doesn't worry about waking
the kids.
36. Beer doesn't get cramps.
37. Beer doesn't have a mother.
38. Beer doesn't have morals.
39. Beer doesn't go crazy once a
month.
40. Beer always listens and never
argues.
41. Beer labels don't go out of
style every year.
42. Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles.
43. Beer doesn't have cold
hands/feet.
44. Beer doesn't demand legality.
45. Beer is never overweight.
46. If you change beers, you don't
have to pay alimony.
47. Beer won't run off with your
credit cards.
48. Beer doesn't have a lawyer.
49. Beer doesn't need much closet
space.
50. Beer can't give your herpes or
other nasty things.
51. Beer doesn't complain about the
way you drive.
52. Beer doesn't mind if you fart
or belch.
53. Beer never changes its mind.
54. Beer doesn't tease you or play
hard to get.
55. Beer never asks you to change
the station.
56. Beer doesn't make you go
shopping.
57. Beer doesn't tell you to mow
the grass.
58. Beer will never make you go to
a Swedish movie.
59. Beer is always easy to pick up.
60. Big, fat beers are nice to
have.
61. Beer doesn't pout or play
games.
62. Beer NEVER says no.
63. Beer is easy to get into.
64. Beer never complains when you
take it somewhere.
65. Beer doesn't need to go to the
'powder room' with other beers.
66. Beer doesn't wear a bra.
67. Beer doesn't mind getting
dirty.
68. Beer doesn't complain about
insensitivity.
69. Beer doesn't use up your toilet
paper.
70. Beer doesn't live with its
mother. *
71. Beer doesn't blow you off.
72. Beer doesn't care if you have
no culture or manners.
73. Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or
cry.
74. Beer doesn't mind football
season.
75. A beer won't make you go to
church.
76. A beer is more likely to know
how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
77. A beer doesn't think baseball
is stupid simply because the guys spit.
78. A beer doesn't think DOS is
pronounced "dose".
79. A beer doesn't give a toss if
you keep a bunch of other beers around.
80. A beer will not insist that
those odious Michelin commercials with the babies are "cute".
81. If a beer leaks all over the
room, it smells kinda good for a while.
82. A beer will not call you a
sexist pig
83. A beer will never make you see
its parents
84. A beer won't claim that the
Three Stooges are shitheads.
85. A beer won't raise a fuss about
a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.
86. A beer will never stop you from
watching Playboy.
87. A beer won't whine that
seatbelts hurt.
88. A beer won't smoke in your car.
89. A beer never watchs opera.
90. A beer will never buy a car
with automatic transmission.
91. A beer will never complain when
you disobey nature.
92. A beer is always ready to leave
on time.
93. A beer never fishes for
compliments.
94. Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli
Girl) have fabulous tits.
95. Beer tastes good.
96. A beer will never accuse you of
rape.
97. A beer won't raise any
objections to an evening of watchin.
98. An ice-cold beer will
nonetheless let you have your way with it.
99. A beer won't make you pick up
some tampons when you go to the store.
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